Life in the Kid Lane

Christmas Morning 2008

Best Present Ever

Sofie in the Snow

Fun Sledding in UT

Get Ready, Get Set . . . Go!

Olivia at the Zoo

Olivia’s Happy B-day Breakfast

Olivia Gets the Wise Owl Award

Elmo Rides a Fish

Strawberry Blonde

Daddy-Daughters-Date: WICKED!

Three of the Four

Singing in the AZ Rain

Sisters at D-Land

Tae Kwan Do JJ

Targeting the Prize

A recent episode of The Office reminded me of a corporate leadership conference I had to attend several years ago – you know, the kind where various gurus take the stage and give the be-all-you-can-be spiels meant to motivate and “maximize potential” and such. 

In starting things off, the keynote guru defined the most important step to achieving career goals: “Targeting the PRIZE”.  Or in other words, to “succeed”, we need to openly declare where we want to end up.  Sorta like Covey’s ‘begin with the end in mind’, except this particular guru was quite sure he invented the idea from scratch.  Nice.

And so, with his whiter-than-white Fortune-100 smile, he cajoled each member of the audience into stating his or her most sought-after title, position, or role.  Then one-by-one, the obvious answers came out with way too much enthusiasm: “CEO!”, “Company President!”, “Chairman of the Board!”, “Chief Counsel!”, Woohoo!”, etc, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah.

Though stated with much less fanfare, I felt my answer was also obvious: “Dad”. 

NY Times Ad Defends Mormons

Based on my reading of the New York Times over the years, I firmly believe that finding a pro-Mormon message in their Op-Ed section would be like finding Frosty the Snowman in Yuma, AZ in August.  But as profit is still the motive (if not the reality) over there at Times Square, they’ll print anything if the right amount of cashola is on the table.  

And thank goodness – at least in this case.  Regardless of their motives, I really appreciated this message on full display last week - particularly as the ad was paid for entirely by non-LDS donors.  You can read more at http://nomobveto.org/.

I don’t know much about the Becket Fund, and I’m not a big fan of some of the signers of the ad, but the message is spot on, and I’m very glad they ran it.  The last line is a bit over the top, but tame compared to much of the anti-8 mud-fest.

Catholic Bishop Decries Religious Bigotry Against Mormons

The following statement was released by Bishop William Weigand, head of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Sacramento and former Bishop of Salt Lake City, in response to attacks on the Mormon Church for supporting California’s Proposition 8, defending the traditional definition of marriage: 

“Catholics stand in solidarity with our Mormon brothers and sisters in support of traditional marriage — the union of one man and one woman — that has been the major building block of Western Civilization for millennia. 

The ProtectMarriage coalition, which led the successful campaign to pass Proposition 8, was an historic alliance of people from every faith and ethnicity. LDS were included — but so were Catholics and Jews, Evangelicals and Orthodox, African-Americans and Latinos, Asians and Anglos.

Bigoted attacks on Mormons for the part they played in our coalition are shameful and ignore the reality that Mormon voters were only a small part of the groundswell that supported Proposition 8.

As the former bishop of the Diocese of Salt Lake City, I can attest to the fact that followers of the Mormon faith are a good and generous people with a long history of commitment to family and giving to community causes.

I personally decry the bigotry recently exhibited towards the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints — coming from the opponents of Proposition 8, who ironically, have called those of us supporting traditional marriage intolerant.

I call upon the supporters of same-sex marriage to live by their own words — and to refrain from discrimination against religion and to exercise tolerance for those who differ from them. I call upon them to accept the will of the people of California in the passage of Proposition 8.”

SOURCE: Roman Catholic Diocese of Sacramento

Oh Ya, It’s Dub-ya Time . . . Part Duh

Since I work really hard to put food on my family, sometimes I need a little levity at the end of a long day.  As you can imagine, this clip is unimaginably funny . . .

Thank goodness I don’t have a camera on me 24/7, cuz my literacy level are appalling too!  

LOL!

Even a 35 Year-Old Dog Can Learn a New . . . um, Pick?

One thing my wife really digs about me is my fingernails.  Yup, that’s right folks, the longer my guitar nails grow, the more she falls madly in love with me.  You see, she and I met at BYU in the early 1990s – which was clearly the peak of the “strum your guitar outside a girl’s dorm no latter than 11:59pm so you don’t get reported to the honor code office for missing curfew” era.  And guys with long fingernails on one hand were a hot commodity, especially those of us with denim shirts, braided-leather belts, and Bev Hills, 90210 sideburns.  Sweet.

At a time when hair past the collar was a big no-no, fingernails past the knee definitely made a bold statement.  Something like: “Ya, I’m in control of both my masculinity and my hygiene, but neither is more important than being a hum-and-strum James Taylor wannabe.  Now, onward to Mama’s Café for open mic night!”

Fast forward to today, my nails are still quite fab, and I’m certain not a day goes by wherein my better half doesn’t swoon* at the sight of them – particularly after spending the holiday weekend weeding flower beds sans gloves.  (Oh yeah, we’re talkin’ lord of the black rings.  Pssst, hey single guys: FYI, popular women love that sort of thing.  Here’s proof.)  Anyway, I suppose I can admit my built-in finger picks get a wee bit out of control from time to time.  Whose don’t, right?  Well, today, as I prepared for an important meeting, I did in fact notice my hand kinda sorta looked like this dude’s.  Nice.

Back to School

Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell
Brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens
I can tell that we are going to be friends

Walk with me, Suzy Lee through the park and by the tree
We will rest upon the ground and look at all the bugs we found
then safely walk to school without a sound

Here we are, no one else, we walked to school all by ourselves
There’s dirt on our uniforms, from chasing all the ants and worms
We clean up and now its time to learn

Numbers, letters, learn to spell, nouns, books, show and tell
At playtime we will throw the ball, back to class, through the hall
Teacher marks our height, against the wall

And we don’t notice any time pass, we don’t notice anything
We sit side by side in every class, teacher thinks I sound funny
But she likes the way we sing

Tonight I’ll dream in my bed, when silly thoughts go to my head
About the bugs and alphabet, and when I wake tomorrow I’ll bet
That you and I will walk together again

Cause I can tell that we are going to be friends

I’m Goin’ on the Michael Phelps Diet!

I’ve been gobbling up the Olympic coverage this year, as much as time has allowed anyway.  All the stories, the controversies, the triumphs, the failures . . . man, I really love these games.  Great stuff.  Can’t wait for London in 2012. 

In particular, the Michael Phelps phenomenon has really wetted my appetite for water sports.  Seriously folks, did you see the coverage of the 4 x 100 free vs. those snooty Frenchmen?!?!  Wow . . . words fail.  Before this event, I had never jumped up and down over a swim meet.  But at one o‘clock in the morning no less, I woke the kids up I was hollering so loud.

Oh, and speaking of Phelps, and appetites, I saw this article the other day about his 12,000-calorie diet, which apparently includes:

Breakfast:
- three fried-egg sandwiches loaded with cheese, fried onions and mayonnaise
- two cups of coffee
- a five-egg omelet
- a bowl of grits
- three slices of French toast topped with powdered sugar
- and three chocolate-chip pancakes

Lunch:
- a pound of enriched pasta
- two large ham and cheese sandwiches slathered with mayo
- and about 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks

Dinner:
- another pound of pasta
- an entire pizza
- another 1,000 calories worth of energy drinks.

Sheesh, it’s really amazing what the human body can metabolize when it’s in peak shape.

But anyway, like the big wave that knocked me delirious on the beach in Hawaii when I was a kid, the swimming at this year’s games – along with everything else (even the ping pong) – has really floored me.  I’m even double stoked that my wife is a very well-trained competitive swimmer and has been teaching the kids all the tricks of the trade.  So watch out for jph4 in 2020!

Oh and FYI, I even went to the gym on Saturday.  So that PROVES there must be something in the water.

Sweet.

A Gr8 8/8/08 for Four

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Johnny Quatro had himself a great birthday.  Even Darth Vader had a fun time. . .

 

Many thanks go out to those who participated near and far, and may the force be with you, always.

Olivia Takes a Look at Bolivia

A recent exploration of the Bloggernacle* brought me to a site called LDS Cooperative, and one of the posts there caught my eye: “Can you be a Mormon and Wealthy?” by Kate Kelly. 

The principles recounted in this essay truly inspired me, and after reading it several times, I resolved to giving more and giving more often.  I would encourage everyone to give it a read and think about ways to help those in need.  (Hey that rhymes.  Sweet.)

Continuing my exploration, I also found at LDS Cooperative a link to Kiva.org, an excellent non-profit, person-to-person microcredit organization.  With my desire to help others rekindled, I signed up (for free of course) and began looking over all of the profiles of people who are looking for a leg up.  I found the experience both humbling and invigorating.

Kiva is a very bare-bones website.  There’s no-over-the-top marketing compelling people to lend, Sally Struthers doesn’t jump out of the screen and cry all over you until you pull your wallet out.  It’s really just a basic interface that lets you make loans from your Paypal account to people all over the world who are trying to build up their businesses – farmers, tailors, merchants, construction workers, mechanics, etc. – each with a very basic profile of their situation and needs.  There’s no return on investment at Kiva, and there’s no guarantee of repayment either (although repayment rates are generally above 99%).  But read Kate’s essay and you will understand that ROI should not be the goal, and that’s fine by me.

So, for family night last week, we sat down with the kids and looked over a huge map of the world.  We talked about living conditions in various places and some of the basic reasons why some countries are very poor.  We then dialed up Kiva and looked over some of the profiles from South America, Africa, East Asia, Middle East, Eastern Europe, etc..  And when the kids made their choices we marked on the map the countries where our loans were going.  Olivia chose a tailor in Bolivia who needed money to buy a new sewing machine to keep her business running and Audrey chose some ladies in Uganda who want to open a clothing store. 

The lesson was very simple: we should always be looking for opportunities to help others, be they across the world or right next door.  This was a very good experience for all of us and I am looking forward to continuing it for years to come. 

jph3

* FYI – ‘Bloggernacle’ is a term that refers to the many LDS-themed bloggs out there.  But beware, some are good, some are not.

A Public Service Annoucement From All of Us at the JPH3 House

We had a fantastic time kayaking down the Provo river on Saturday.  Good family & friends, good food, good fun.

A big thanks goes out to the Kellys for such a great time!

And though my children were all soaked to the bone (due to our turbulent run-ins with those darn bridges), I was fortified with the knowledge that these “public-service instructions” have imparted upon me. 

So, you will all be relieved to know that I resisted the urge to toss my kids in the dryer before we headed off to see WALL•E (which was awesome, BTW).   Phew, that was close.   Thank goodness for good parenting instructions.

Oh, and guess what, despite what you may have heard, it actually is OK to dunk your Blackberry in the Provo river several times.  I tried it on Saturday, and it was only broken for a couple of days – now it works just fine.  Must be that fine Chinese construction.

Sweet!

PS: I’ve added the full set of these funny little signs to the Funny Fotos section as a public service to anyone looking for good parenting advice. 

 

Pervasive Pythons, Killer Cornflakes and Other Sweet Effects of Global Warming

Global Warming can really be a lot of fun, especially if you are a journalist (more on that in a minute), or an armchair scientist (like me), or, I suppose, a trained environmentalist (like, ahem, Al Gore).  And apparently British engineering professors get a kick out of it too, like Dr. John Brignell, who runs the website Numberwatch.  It’s not the prettiest site on the web, but Dr. Brignell’s stated goal is “Combating Math Hysteria,” and these days, no discussion of ‘math (or any other form of) hysteria’ is complete without properly considering the topic of Global Warming. 

Best of all, Dr. Brignell has compiled a fantastic list of links to over 600 media stories which proclaim all sorts of wacky warming effects.  And as I read through the list, I thought to myself, “man, what a great time to be a journalist!  You can write anything and just chalk it up to good ol’ Global Warming.”   For example, imagine opening up the USA Today and reading: “As climate change warms the nation, giant Burmese pythons could* colonize one-third of the USA.”  Or the Sydney Morning Herald: “Climate change could* lead to ‘killer cornflakes’ with the cereal carrying the most potent liver toxin ever recorded.” 

Giant Pythons could colonize the USA?!?!?  Are you kidding me?!?!?  Who’s the editor that approved this stuff?!?!?  I really shoulda been an environmental journalist.  Also:

• Teenagers are horrified that GW causes severe acne.  But I’m sure the makers of Stridex Medicated Pads are now giving money to Al Gore to fund further advertising.
• Hannibal Lecter must be warming up the grill since GW apparently leads to increased cannibalism.  (Leave it to Ted Turner to come up with a gem like that.)
• Moral authorities are outraged that GW leads to an increase in teenage drinking, sexual promiscuity / HIV, and even sex changes.  And apparently it also leads to decreases in circumcision rates as well. 
• However, those same moral authorities may be relieved to know that GW hinders the success of brothels, and also leads to earlier marriages.  (Pfew!)
• Alcoholics everywhere are raising a glass to more potent beer and wine thanks to GW. 
• Bar association members will delight in increased attourney fees.  (Donna – use this to argue for your next raise.)
• The Scots are sad that GW killed their beloved Loch Ness Monster.  But other animal lovers will sit back and enjoy the “invasion” of herons, jellyfish,  and, eeek, the deadly domestic kitty!!.
• Entomophobes are alarmed at the increases in midges, ticks, and spiders.  Eeeeewww!!
• Glinda, Elphaba and other famous witches are shocked that GW is causing an increase in witch hunts and executions.  (I’m not making this up.)
• The Cheeseheads in Wisconsin won’t be making it back to the Superbowl because of GW.
• Adam Sandler is making a movie out of the GW induced “methane belches wreaking [and reeking] havoc” across the globe.
• Mormon handicrafters are sad that “Gingerbread houses [are now the] latest victim of global warming”

What’s also fun about this list – even though I’m sure each article is “thoroughly researched” and “backed up by the most stringent of scientists” - is that global warming manages to simultaneously cause:

• Both an increase and decrease in the number of glaciers and ice sheets, avalanches, snowfall, blizzards, global cooling (yes, global warming apparently causes global cooling), and hurricanes
• Coral reefs to both grow and shrink
• Deserts to both advance and decline
• Farmers to reap both larger and smaller crops
• Fishermen to catch more and less fish (fewer fish?  Grammar experts please comment)
• Hibernation cycles to get both longer and shorter
• Oceans to get more and less salty
• And my favorite, the Earth will apparently spin both slower and faster on its axis

Anyway, the USA Today Python article concludes, “If you see [a python], don’t attempt to engage it. Leave the area, note the location and notify the authorities.”  Well, if you see Al Gore, I suggest you do the same.

* (BTW – Note the use of the word “could” in each headline.  You will find this safety word in every single article related to Global Warming, and I think it’s because these editors realize this the only thing that will save their careers (and their self-respect) is by inserting a few semantic back doors.)

Happy Earth Day

Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue, blue sky,
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by,
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by a lilac tree,
I’m glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings.
He gave my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things.
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart;
I thank Him rev’rently
For all his creations, of which I’m a part.
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me.

Oftentimes it’s the simplest things that make life beautiful.