Top Ten Signs You May Be A False Prophet???

First, read this: Utah ‘prophet’ predicts disaster will prevent Obama from taking office…

As one who enjoys (purely for entertainment purposes) accounts of various ‘prophets-with-a-small-p’, I seized upon the above headline on Drudge the other day.  All things considered, I thought the LA Times article was actually quite kind to Leeland F. Freeborn of Parowan, UT – it even conjured a few feelings of compassion in me (more on that later, after I’m done with the mockery part).  

But as I said, I find self-proclaimed prophets fascinating.  And so, in “honor” of Mr. Freeborn, a.k.a. the Parowan prophet, I thought I would post my top-ten signs you may be a false prophet:

#10 - With a snow-white beard, thick flannel shirt, and bowl-full-of-jelly belly, followers keep begging you to trade in your Bible for a job as Santa at the local mall.
#9– You reside in Parowan, UT, population 231 - most of whom also became ‘prophets’ after emerging from three-week hallucinogenic comas. 
#8 – As a public service, you raised “a giant freeway billboard, depicting a nuclear mushroom cloud, providing directions to [your] house”.  You know, for all the visitors.
#7 – In between speaking engagements in your living room, you write letters to the editor of the St George Spectrum reminding its (dozen or so) readers that “nukes will soon rain down on the USA, killing at least 100 million.”
#6 – And in those same letters you manage to plug your website where you peddle survival-information packets. 
#5- Sealing the deal, you then mention that you foresaw this nuclear attack whilst shopping at Wal-Mart. (FYI – I’m not making this up.)
#4 – Your living room decor includes “framed photographs of mushroom clouds”.   Again with the mushroom cloud thing.  
#3 – You present visitors with “brown medicine bottles filled with iodide crystals — to ward off the effects of radiation.”
#2 – When asked why your prophecies hadn’t come to pass before, you reply “Prophecy is not an exact science.”  Too true!!

And the number one sign you may be a false prophet:

#1 – It’s December 17, 2008 and you haven’t even decided what to get your wives for Christmas!!!  [Ba-dump-bump. ]

But seriously folks, I don’t mean to offend.  I just can’t resist mocking that which I don’t understand . . . clearly.

However, a quick point of order: the article does sober up towards the end.  And as I took in the following paragraph, I actually felt a tinge of compassion on the man:

“‘I’ve been at it for 30 years, and I have always really believed it’, he said. ‘Now, if we go on, that’s great. Maybe we can get some more people to repent’. He seemed weary . . . he described going on radio and, mocked by the host, receiving not a single request from the audience for survival information. He said he has been shunned in town, his property vandalized. The prophet’s eyes reddened . . . as he dropped his head in contemplation, it occurred to me: How terrible it must be to believe what this man truly appears to believe, and yet have so few willing to listen.”

I must say, that IS a terrible thing.  I mean, after all, I experienced similar feelings while in the mission field, sans the Wal-Mart-induced visions of nuclear holocaust of course.

But wait, there’s more.  Just as I was about to erase my mockery-ladened post out of this sudden surge of guilt-ridden empathy, I happened upon the prophet’s own “fact-based” essay on God’s reasons for racial profiling!  Hmmmm.  Well, let’s just say that pretty much put an end to my compassion, and to my wasting time on Leeland F. Freeman, for that matter.

So in conclusion, I am planning on writing my own letter to the St George Spectrum.  It will read something like this:

 “Best wishes to you, Mr. Freeman.  With all my heart, I hope your wildest dreams never, ever, ever come true. “