A Few (Very) Quick Reads

My Christmas Wish List has a lot of new “non”-fiction on it this year.  And since I don’t really have much spare time these days, I am looking forward to the following reads particularly due to the fact that each is very short – like less than a page long in most cases:

14. FINDING OSAMA BIN LADDEN, by the US Military

13. FINDING THE REAL KILLER, by OJ Simpson

12. PRACTICALLY PARENTING, by Brittany Spears 

11. CURING CANCER, by Philip Morris

10. REACHING CONCENSUS, by Al Gore

9.  MY CONTRIBUTION TO CIVIL RIGHTS, by Al Sharpton

8.  ONE FATHER’S LOVE FOR HIS DAUGHTER, by Alec Baldwin

7.  WHAT I WOULDN’T DO TO MAKE A BUCK, by Bill Maher

6.  DICTION, by Jesse Jackson

5.  THE STANDARD OF MARRIAGE, by Bill and Hillary Clinton

4.  MY FAVORITE LIBERALS, by Anne Coulter

3.  MY FAVORITE CONSERVATIVES, by Ted Kennedy

2.  THE THINKING MAN’S GUIDE TO COHERENT THOUGHT, by this guy

1.  NURTURING A LOYAL AND HEALTHY WORKFORCE, by the Walton Family

SWEET!

JPH3

Oh Ya, It’s Dub-ya Time

Who says there isn’t humor in politics?? 

Which one is your favorite???  I personally can’t decide between #5: “I like to fish” or #2: Left vs. Right.  

Classic! 

jph3

(PS: Fast forward to the 1:20 mark for best results . . . )

Take Your Pick

TO ALL MY DEMOCRATIC FRIENDS:

Please accept, with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.  I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great.  Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country, nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere.  Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

TO MY REPUBLICAN FRIENDS:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

PS: Thanks to Mom for passing this along

Happy Birthday Mom!

What Would You Do With 2 Cows??

• SOCIALISM: You have two cows. State takes one and gives it to someone else.
• COMMUNISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and gives you milk.
• FASCISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and sells you the milk.
• NAZISM: You have two cows. State takes both of them and shoots you.
• FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes the milk and by his grace lets you live.
• TOTALITARIANISM:You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
• MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
• CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
• AMERICAN CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and open a successful local dairy. Then you have to close down cuz Wal-Mart comes to town.
• POLYNESIAN CAPITALISM: You have 8 cows and are happy to spend them all for Mahana.
• ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. Al Gore convinces you to pay him money because their farts increase the greenhouse effect.
• VEGETARIANISM: Cows are people too.  So if you own two cows you own two people, and that’s slavery, so you’re evil.
• ANARCHY:You have two cows. Your neighbors kill you, spray-paint anarchy signs on the cows, and pierce themselves in various places.
• DEMOCRACY: You have two cows and everybody votes on how to divvy up the milk.
• REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
• BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheep’s brains and they go mad.
• JAPANESE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You give the milk to gangsters so you don’t loose face. The gangsters drop the milk on the way back to the hideout and then have to cut their pinky fingers off.
• AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: A politician from the heartland promises to give you two cows if you vote for him. After the election he is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair “Cowgate”.
• POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated* with two differently-aged, but no less valuable to society, bovines of a non-specified gender. (* = the concept of “ownership” is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant past.)
• COUNTER CULTURE: Dude, you got to have some of this milk and write about it on your blog. And don’t forget to fight the power cuz it’s all our parent’s fault.

A Bit o’ Wisdom

We have no government armed with power capable of contending with human passions unbridled by morality and religion. Avarice, ambition, revenge or gallantry would break the strongest cords of our Constitution as a whale goes through a net. Our Constitution is designed only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate for any other.

         John Adams – US President, 1797-1801

Why Mothers Matter

When I was kid I was deathly afraid of the dark.  Worse, I was always quite certain that vampires, trolls, evil ninjas and other boogie men were hiding in my small, dark closet, poised to spring out and attack the instant I lost my nightly battle to stay awake. 

Sometimes (ok, like, every night) that battle was just simply too fierce to fight, like when the house creaked in a unique way or when an animal stirred outside my window.  It was those times when my instincts cried out, “Mom!!” 

Then, without fail, relief came.  Every time. 

Eventually, I defeated those silly boogie men.  But the battles in my life were just beginning, and they quickly moved from that small, dark closet into the real-life challenges that most kids face.  And just like before, so many times did my instincts cry out, “Mom!!”

Then, without fail, relief came.  Every time. 

Fast forward some 30 years or so.  Alas, it appears those darn boogie men have survived and are now poised to spring out of my son’s small, dark closet.  It’s like I hear my own shaky voice calling from JJ’s room as he struggles to fight that same imaginary battle. 

As a rough and tough father, my first response is to FIX THE PROBLEM – provide a nightlight, play some music, or maybe just tell him to buck up and be brave.  Sigh.  What a looser I am. 

But then, thankfully, the inspiration comes to consult with my wife.  Her response: “What did you need most when you were a little boy?”  And then it all comes together.  Despite already recognizing the fact that I experienced the same emotions as JJ, it took a wise mother to connect the important dots for me.  As is usually the case, it takes a wise mother to direct the focus inward, away from the surface issue of my need for resolution, and towards the needs that really matter most – the needs of a small child, scared to death of the unknown, desperate for some small bit of relief.  Relief that comes without fail.  Every time.

It is very clear to me that, for so many reasons, mothers really, really matter.  And they matter to me now just as much as then.  I am so lucky and grateful to have been raised by a loving, wise and dependable mother.  And I am so lucky and grateful that my children will be as well.

A little boy once wrote, “The worst part about being a kid is going to bed.”  But he forgot to add that the best part about being a kid is having a loving mother who will be there when the boogie man comes.  Without fail.  Every time.

jph3

Welcome

Greetings Family and Friends!

Welcome to my little slice of humble blog pie.  Here you will find no promises, commitments, answers, or solutions to life’s most perplexing problems.  Nor will you be able to leverage this platform to further the quest for truth, justice and the American Way.   

However, I do hope that you visit periodically just to see what’s up with us, and maybe also get a glimpse of our thoughts, feelings, and whatever else happens to be on the plate d’jour.  That said, please have a look around (even tho there ain’t much here yet) and drop us a line sometime.

Merry Christmas to you and yours,
jph3

Proof of Worse Places to Shop than Wal-Mart!

All I can say is: YIKES!!

What’s Your Favorite Christmas Music?

Greetings,

Christmas music is one of the things I look forward to most during the holiday season.  And to be sure, some of my personal favorites can be found on the often overlooked Christmas gem: The Walton Family Christmas Album.  Who can resist these festive holiday hymns:

1. Gloria! in Excessive Day o’ Shopping
2. All I Want for Christmas is my Healthcare Plan
3. Grandma Got Run Over by a Government Subsidy
4. It Came Upon a Blue-Light Special
5. Oh Little Town of Bentonville
6. Deck the Halls with Predatory Pricing
7. Rip-off the Red-Nosed Retailer
8. Oh Come All Ye Faithful Bargain Hunters
9. Good King Wencesloss Leader
10. Away in a Mangy Sweatshop
11. Angels We Have Heard on High Cost of Low Prices
12. It’s Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Honduras
13. Have Yourself a Merry Little Union-Free Rally
14. We Three Kings of the Board of Directors Are (Featuring Hillary Clinton!)
15. Jolly Old Saint Nickel-an-dime-us
16. What Child is This (who sews my socks)?
17. Frosty the Shoplifter

And, as a special non-holiday treat, the Waltons have also included my personal perennial pick: It’s A 3rd World After All.  Sweet!

Keep in mind this is a collector’s item and supplies are limited.  So rush over (i.e. walk really fast) to your local, independently-owned music shop and get your eco-friendly copy today!

Cheers,
jph3